Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize