Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
