some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
