If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
