I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
