He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
