I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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