either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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