i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
