he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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