Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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