I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
