No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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