I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize