If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm too high and old for this...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
