Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
