we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
