dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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