I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
