I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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