I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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