i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
