i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize