Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
