He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
