Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
