We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
