great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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