two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
