the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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