Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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