what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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