Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
