btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize