Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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