what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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