Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize