literally had 100 drinks last night.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize