I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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