I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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