The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
