Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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