with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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