My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
