All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
