Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize