Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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