Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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