Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
