forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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