i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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