You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
