how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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