she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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