I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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