im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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