Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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