The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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