i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
