I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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