Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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