When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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