There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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