stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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