he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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