How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
