Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
