dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is wine microwaveable?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want nice things and good sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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