wanna go halves on a baby?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
