Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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