Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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