plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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