Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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