About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
