do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Actions speak louder than pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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