I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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