My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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