News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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