I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The uberlube is also flammable
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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