i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
