Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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