Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
