69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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