That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
