Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
