he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
