I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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