My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
