You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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