I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize