I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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