Just cropdusted the office
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
