Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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