I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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