I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
