You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
