I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
