I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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