ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize