Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
