So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
